Butterfly Cookies

Is this writing well done?

This is a story I’m writing for NaNoWriMo. Here’s an excerpt.

Life isn’t a deck of cards. It’s not beautiful, it’s not a highway, and it’s most certainly not good. What life is? Nobody can answer that. If I could, well, then I would be famous…
Dreaming, on the other hand… dreaming is simple. All you have to do is close your eyes and find yourself in a different world. Even for little children dreaming comes naturally. Butterflies, cookies, monsters; kids everywhere dream. And nobody says the dreams will be good, but even the bad ones make sense. You’re scared of being kidnapped, so in your nightmare someone takes you away. You want a new toy doll, so in your dream you get it. In my dreams, I do what I want. They call it lucid dreaming. People spend their lives trying to learn how to live their dreams, but I was born with the ability. Maybe it was to make up for my life.

If it’s for Nanowrimo, don’t bother asking what people think of it. The point of Nanowrimo is to let go of inhibitions and let creatively flow freely.

To be honest, here’s what I think.
The first few lines took a while to make sense. ‘Life isn’t a deck of cards’ needs clarification: it just sounds like a random statement, like ‘sadness is not a banana’, until I realised you were speaking metaphorically. Same with highway. You could refine that first line by saying something like, ‘They say life is a deck of cards, life is a highway, life is beautiful, life is good. They are liars’.

As for the question of what life is being unanswerable, that comes of as odd too. Are you still talking about it metaphorically? Everyone has a metaphor for their life. Mine is a wacky sitcom. If you’re being literal, then that has a biological definition. You wouldn’t be famous for coming up with a literal or metaphorical explanation.

It would be slicker without the rhetorical question, the ‘well, then’ and the ellipsis.

Dreaming might be simple to do (though science still has difficulty explaining it), but it doesn’t always make sense. My dreams operate on completely retarded logic, eg:
I was trapped in a sewer so I had to go on a dinner date with the mobster from ‘Black Books’ and kill him before dessert with a razor-bladed fan. He would not open the sewer – I just had to kill him.
I have no fear of snakes, but giant viper made of concrete chased me through the house and ate the garbage man.
Singing pirate gerbils

Maybe you can control your dreams, but when I dream that I’m performing in ‘Fullmetal Alchemist: the Musical!’ with peacocks and animate furniture, or trapped in a room above a tank full of pirahnas with Klaus Baudelaire by a villain I invented, it doesn’t match up with any of my aspirations or fears.

Then you change the definition of ‘dream’. ‘People spend their lives to learn how to live their dreams’ – their aspirations, not the brain-farts they see in their sleep.

Maybe you should cut right to your lucid-dreaming ability. That’s interesting. Start with that.

Cookie decorating tutorial – Color flow butterfly

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